Prayer?

That last blog entry directly led to this one. Because I've known that Christianity boils down to prayer and bible reading, but I haven't known what to say in prayer.  I mean, I can talk to God, but it shouldn't just be me rambling.  Most of the time, I don't really have anything to say to God. And is there anything wrong with that?  And I hear people praying these long prayers, but when I do pray, my prayers are usually pretty short. And I guess for awhile now I've been ambivalent about it.  I feel like it is okay for me to have short prayers, but I have become self conscious about praying around others.  I guess because group prayers are different from personal prayers?  Because individual prayer is about my "personal relationship" with God, but--I'm just thinking about this now--group prayer isn't.  So what is it about?

So back to Wikipedia again. It says that prayer is an invocation, and that an invocation usually takes the form of supplication, or petitioning, which means we're asking God for something.  And I guess that's what people usually do.  In my personal prayers, there isn't so much of that.  Well, sometimes there is, but its usually to bring me closer to him, to get rid of all the bad stuff in me.  But I guess I've gotten to the point where I'm not feeling the weight of guilt and shame on a daily basis, so prayers usually end up being worship and thanksgiving.

And I guess here is where the rub is.  I've always felt pretty comfortable about asking God to save me from myself, to perfect me.  I guess I can say that I'm considerably less comfortable asking for other things.  Now when I'm together with the praise team, I guess I should be relatively comfortable with asking God to bless our practice or our worship during the service, but I don't know if I've ever led the group in prayer, and I'm not sure why. I think its because of this uneasiness I've had about prayer in general.  Its like I've been holding off on all prayer until I can get things straight in my head.

Healing is the mixed bag.  Obviously it is something supported in the scriptures, but I guess I've been turned off by the word of faith people. And with asking God to perfect me or bless our worship, I know that those things are God's will. But is it God's will for people to be healed?  I mean, I would think so, but if that's the case, then why aren't they?  If I'm not being perfected, that's usually because I'm not making the right choices, because I've chosen to break from God in favor of my own wicked desires.  But nobody chooses to be sick or ill.  They want to be healed, and if God is also in agreement, then why aren't they healed?

So ultimately, everybody is going to get old and die.  That's the way of this world, the way of all things.  Sickness is one way people die, and I think it okay to say that sometimes it is God's will for someone to get sick and die, because that's the way he set this world up.  Especially when the person is very old, I wonder, should we even be praying for this person to not die?  Is that the right thing?  Is that God's will?  Ultimately, that's what I always think about.  Not what I want, not what we want.  What does God want?

Praying before a sports competition is always iffy. And I guess soldiers in war is the same way.  What if both sides are praying to the same God?  And they're both praying for victory?  Who does God answer? Whose side is he on?  Maybe neither?  Is it right for us to petition God on such things?

On the far side of the spectrum are the material things.  I don't even ask God for the things I need to survive.  I say that's because he promised them to me, but the reality is that I have a superabundance.  I sometimes wonder if things would be different if I didn't have the necessities.  I certainly didn't always have what I have now, but there's never been a time when I had to go without food because of lack.  And then you have the people that are praying for luxuries.  God wants to give me a brand new car. Misrepresentation.  Although the scriptures do say that he gives us all things to enjoy.  But not for us to consume God's blessing and favor with our lusts.

It is funny how this question has brought me back to the will of God, or rather the sovereignty of God.  I found an article called What a Sovereign God Cannot Do, and I think that helped me in my thinking.  And now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if it is clear how I went from prayer to healing to God's sovereignty, but hopefully it is, because I'm not sure I can explain it.  But I'm seeing that God has ordained or established things. He's set things in motion. And when I say things, I mean everything.  He created man, he gave us free will.  Through that ordination, he retains sovereignty over his creation, even though he doesn't control every aspect of it.  Sovereign means that God has ultimate authority, that he is the preeminent one, "being above all others in character, importance, excellence, etc." It doesn't mean that every action that takes place in the world was something that he was behind.  He created the system; he doesn't control every aspect of it.

But we can ask him for things. He told us that. We can ask for people to be healed.  We can even ask for new cars.  It doesn't mean we're going to get it.  But the bible does say that he loves to give good gifts to his children.  The other thing I've always kind of thought is that if we get close enough to him and get to know some of his will, we may know whether a thing is actually his will or not.

But now with this new understanding of God's sovereignty, it really calls into question whether some of these things are God's will.  It may be flippant to say, but I'm thinking that God doesn't really care about some of it.  But then, if we say that, can we really say that God cares for us if he doesn't care if we live or die?  If we're sick or well?  Hmm...

I feel like I may have gotten off track here. But overall it has been good to record some of these things, and have them be more than just swirling around in my head.