So with all the random stuff in my head, I really should be posting here more. I guess I hadn't before partly because of time, and partly because of laziness, and partly because I didn't realize how helpful journaling can be. I used to wonder why people did that. It didn't make sense to me. Now it does.

One of the things that came to me was that I've been tethering my own happiness to other people. I want friends, but I can't force friendship. I need to have something to occupy my time.  And the problem there is that I've gotten to the point where I have so little interest in things that I used to. Like playing video games or watching TV.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, which is actually part of the problem.  I used to feel bad about doing those things.  And so I guess I felt like hobbies in general were a waste of time.  But I took some time to look at some Christian writings about it this morning, and that was time well spent. In particular, I looked at Tim Challies and John Piper. I was really hoping he would have something, and he did. This article from Jeff Robinson was good too.

So it's okay to have hobbies.  I can think of a couple of things I can do to occupy time, and not a moment too soon. I was trying to nurture a new relationship, but it looks like it may be over and unsalvageable. That smarts, and it makes me wonder if I scared this person away because I seemed too needy.

I definitely have been craving human interaction more than normal lately, and I'm sure that has to do with me having more free time than I've had...maybe ever in my adult life. Well besides times when I was unemployed.

But those things that I am looking to tell another person I can put here.  So now what I'm wondering is whether this should continue to be on the internet. Maybe there's some stuff in my head that doesn't need to be public. We'll see.

And I think that it's quite fitting that when I googled Journaling, what came up is Journaling for Mental Health.

Trying to get it straight in my head

So once upon a time I went about Christianity with God in heaven, and me on earth. I pretty much did my own thing, within the bounds of the bible as I understood it.  Then things changed. Things started to happen that suggested that God was interacting with me personally. That he had been directing my life from the shadows all along, but now he was taking a more active role.

But by and by it seems I've lost the sense of that, and its almost like I'm right back where I started. So what changed?

When I look at my life, I can definitely see a sense of blessing, but not that same type of direction. But maybe that's because I only needed to get put back on track?

3 percent = 0.03

0.03x =

$120 - $100 - $14 = $6

$20 is 20% of $100
$6 is 6% of $100
percent difference is 14%. $14 = 14%


$1200 - $1000 - $14 = $186

$200 is 20% of $1000
$186 is 18.6% of $1000
percent difference is 1.4%. $14 = 1.4%

I want to make at least $28. I want to make at least as much on each trade
as TDAmeritrade is making from me.
$142 - 100 - $14 = $28. 42% change
(.42x + x) - x - $14 = $28
(xy + x) - x - $14 = $28
where x is the amount invested and y is the percentage gained
how big does x have to be for y to be 1?
.01x + x - x - 14 = 28
1.01x - x - 14 = 28
.01x - 14 = 28
.01x = 42
x = $4200

Goals

Okay, so here is my attempt to make my goals kind of solid, by putting them in black and white.  I've had lots of thoughts about what I'm going to do in the next two years, but not so many about what I'm going to do right now. Part of the problem is that making a decision about where I want to be in the next two years will shape what I do today.  So...what have I been thinking about?

I'll be eligible for retirement in 2019.  I would stay in the Army for a couple of things:

1. An assignment to Houston
2. An assignment to Fort Meade
3. Teaching at the Naval Academy
4. (maybe) A job at an education facility
5. (maybe) A job like HRC, 2501st DLD, or SUSLAK
6. (maybe) A cool O-5 job. Working at DISA Test Command sounds good

So there are a couple of things that I would stay in for.  But if I get out, then what do I want to do?

1. Work on university staff
2. Work at NASA
3. Work a government job in Houston

So then the question becomes, how do I prepare for any of that?  The nice thing about staying in the Army is that it doesn't require any schooling or anything, just coordination/campaigning for the jobs.  NASA is really the only thing that would require training.  But when I think about it, I really do want to learn more about telecommunications engineering. I've had the title for so many years.

And after the fiasco that was Korea, I know better than to try to set hard goals for the next assignment.  Let's get in the office first and get a feel for what the next 2 or 3 years are going to be like.  But I can still set some general life goals.

What is my life going to look like? How do I see myself in Christ?  That's really the big one.  My Christianity has always been a huge part of my life, and now its...different.

How to be assertive

From The Art of Manliness--how to be assertive. Something I definitely need to work on.

5 Biggest Little Ways to Improve Your Marriage

This was from FamilyLife. Pretty simple. That's too easy, right?

5 Biggest Little Ways to Improve Your Marriage

Assertiveness and Pleasure

Assertiveness. It is okay for me (and for everyone else) to have wants, and feelings, and opinions.  It is okay to voice those wants, feelings, and opinions.  It is okay--and good even--to seek after those wants.

Pleasure.  Pleasure is good, not bad.  Seeking after one's pleasure is good, not bad.  Seeking after one's pleasure can become bad, when we let our desires run amok.